Dealing with in laws in your marriage

One inherent problem in the African/Niderian marriage is that our extended family members are seen as integral members of our marriages which has it advantages and disadvantages.

In some cultures, members of the husband’s family see the wife of their brother or son as an addition to their family and in some cultures, they expect the wife to serve and respect every other member of the family including the youngest child of that home.

In some cultures, the wife is expected to call every other member of the family ‘my husband’ which means that she is to marry not only her husband (except in sexual matters) but the whole family. This means that if she decides to relate to her husband alone, she will incur the wrath of other members of the family who will in turn make her life miserable in that marriage.

SOLUTIONS TO THE IN-LAW PROBLEMS:

1. Accept the problems as cultural problems. Although the degree of the problems differ from culture to culture even within the same country, it is very important that every intending couple accept them as real. Do not try to treat them as non-existent or you will multiply your sorrows.

2. Discuss them before marriage. Before you say “I do”, it is wise to discuss these points with your spouse before you go to the altar. Remember that God hates divorce therefore, it is better to discuss these trouble spots and accept or reject them before you get married.

One problem that I have noticed is that either the man will say “I will change her after marriage” or the lady might say ‘let me get married first’ then I will show him my true color. Or both the man and the woman have no idea of such problems and are so deeply in love that they do not foresee any problem from the in-laws and when the problem begins to show up, they are unprepared to handle it and it tears them apart.

3. Seek the face of the Lord. Having discussed the matter together, present it to the Lord in prayer and go ahead with the relationship if the Lord approves the relationship or quit the relationship if He tells you to quit. A broken engagement is better than a divorce or a painful and sorrowful marriage.

5. Be determined to live in peace with every member of your husband’s or wife’s family. It is achievable in every culture, but one problem we face is that most young people wanting to get married, have determined to have nothing to do with other members of their husband’s or wife’s family.

Credit: marriagemission.com